


Project Grommet

by Verthril



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies), X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom
Genre: Don't treat your fellow interns as pets (unless they're okay with it), F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-23 16:13:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6122127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verthril/pseuds/Verthril
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As far as expressions went, just then the look on Darcy’s face would have best been described as ‘Wait a tick?’, “Future who did what now?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Marvel owns Thor, the Avengers, and the X-men, no profit is to be made from this work.  
  
-=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=-  
  
    With her car parked outside of the skeezy looking run down mine, it was a rummage under the takeout that had been her breakfast where Darcy found her credentials, the very same ones that Jane had so stressed she wasn’t supposed to lose.  As if key cards and lanyards already weren’t old hat to her by now, college student, duh?  
  
    Stretching after her hour and a half drive, the nearest town was a good forty minutes away, well, if one were to obeyed the posted speed limits.  Having done it in thirty, she was technically early for work at her new job, thus she took her time as she walked up to the kiosk where some bored security guard looking dude was getting his Candy Crush on.  
  
“Darcy Lewis, chauffer, coffee getter, equipment setter upper, and also the only person who actually applied for this formerly underpaid internship.”  
  
    Flashing her biometrically keyed ID badge, Miss Lewis (as she would someday train any future interns of her own to call her) headed towards the elevator that led down to what was supposed to be SHIELD’s latest super secret project that Jane had gotten the both of them mixed up with.  But, hey! At least the pay was worth the trouble these days, and not just college credits either, but actual money that she could spend!  
  
    Stepping into the elevator to find a body slumped down in one corner, her keen survival instincts had Sparky, her taser, out quicker than Jane could run over her boyfriend again.  
  
“Uh, if you’re alive, please groan once.  Just saying though, if I hear anything that sounds like it belongs on the Walking Dead, I’m gonna find out how many volts it takes to tase me a zombie.”  
  
    Recognizing the plaintive whimpering coming from the body as probably that of a fellow overworked intern, Darcy neatly holstered Sparky in her courier bag, the way awesome one that had lots of spiffy pockets for stuff, such as her new iPad and iPhone.  Yay, money she could spend!  
  
“Late night?”  
  
Whimper.  
  
“Hung over?”  
  
Big whimper.  
  
“So, like, where’s the buttons?”  
  
    Being a former fan of the original The Thing movie (definitely former now that it so didn’t seemed like science fiction anymore), it was more than a little unsettling to watch as an arm extended from the prone body to flop and slap around blindly across the floor.  In the hand of that very arm, though, was a strikingly familiar looking security badge, one vaguely pointed at the flat panel where Darcy expected to see the usual buttons most elevators had.  
  
“What’s that, Lassie?  You want me to press my badge here?”  
  
Growly whimper.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
    One shuddering lurch later and the elevator started to descend down into the depths of the mine, and pretty fast too if the tickle in her tummy was anything to go by.  Then Lassie puked, officially making it the longest elevator ride of Darcy’s life.  
  
-=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=-      
  
    Being the head intern (read: only) of the big brained wormhole geek SHIELD had on their payroll was not without it’s perks, such as being able to requisition a hand cart trolley thing to wheel along Lassie and her upset tummy.  Also, somebody else was stuck mopping up the mess in the elevator, because she so called not it!  
  
“Hey, hi, how’s it going?  Also, is that thing supposed to be beeping like that?”  Acting casual as she wandered the halls, Darcy made small talk with any and everyone she met in passing, the geeks and grunts of SHIELD, “Wow dude, you’re ripped.  I bet you totally could lift Myeuh-muh.”  
  
“Darcy?!” Skidding to a halt, much to the protest of Lassie, there was only one person who shouted her name like that.  
  
“Hey, Jane.”  
  
    Seeing the kind of murder eyes her boss usually reserved for dudes in suits who stole her gear, research, and pretty much her sole reason for living, Darcy followed the eye daggers to the body on her hand cart trolley thingy, “Uh, she followed me home, can I keep her?”  
  
“Jubilee?” asked Jane as she knelt down with Lassie, her eye daggers now completely gone.  
  
Whimper.  
  
    Floppy arm was back, patting pockets until it found a thumb drive in one, weakly flailing towards Jane, who accepted it with all the reverence she probably would a Nobel Prize.  
  
“Is this what I think it is?” Yep, definitely Nobel Prize reverence, which totally ruled out it being porn on the drive.  
  
Whiney whimper.  
  
“Oh my god, it is, isn’t it?  Amazing!  I can’t wait to show Kitty and the guys this!”  Hugging Lassie (alias: Jubilee), Jane neither seemed to notice nor care about the certain au du barf which still lingered.  
  
Dry heave, hurk, mewling crying.  
  
    Left alone with the Jubilee formerly known as Lassie, Darcy watched as Jane rushed off down the halls to startle every SHIELD dude or dudette who got in her way.  
  
“Hey, anyone know if this joint has a shower?  Maybe a change of clothes, too, roughly her size?  That way?  Thanks, you’re awesome.”  
  
Content whimper.  
  
“Don’t worry, you’ll always be Lassie to me.”  
  
-=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=-    
  
    Lassie, as it turned out, apparently was a pocket sized pretty Asian girl who actually did answer to Jubilee.  Showered, pampered, dressed, and Advil’ed up, Jubilee merrily breakfasted on the box of donuts Darcy had straight up ninja’ed from the break room, obviously way more enjoying herself the ride on the hand cart trolley thing now.  
  
“You’re an intern too, huh?”  
  
Munch, munch, nod.  
  
“So, what was on that drive?”  
  
Shrug, nibble, nibble.  
  
    Full on drifting around another corner to give one of the SHIELD geeks a heart attack, she was really starting to get the hang of handling the cart thingy that was destined to become her preferred means of transportation around the mine.  Sitting there cross-legged as her sole passenger, Jubilee (alias: Lassie) pointed the way to wherever it was Jane and this Kitty person (and promised mystery guys, too) were supposed to be.  
  
    Hoofing it to pick up speed, Darcy jumped on to shopping cart ride it for a straight away with her very own Lassie intern type person.  
  
“Man, I’m getting a serious SNOLAB vibe from this place.” Seeing a pair of curious eyes peeking up at her, she gave Jubilee’s damp hair a ruffle, “Super villain lair type lab up in Canada, particle sciencey stuff.”  
  
Complete incomprehension was poorly hidden as Lassie offered up a donut in lieu of saying anything.  
  
“Ooo, toasted coconut. Danke.”  
  
    Three security checks later and there her girl Jane was, Star Trek technobabbling away with, oddly enough, another geeky looking brunette who had to be Kitty.  Oh, and not to mention her own favourite science bromance of all time, Tony Freaking Stark and his boy Bruce Banner!  Could she get a hell yeah for men who made real science sound sexy?  
  
“If you guys got the marker, I got some skin for you to autograph.”  
  
“Darcy!” Jane snapped in her best offended Mom voice.  
  
“What?  I always wanted to get a tattoo or two.  What’s that, Lassie?  You want a tattoo, too?”  
  
Eager nod, munch, munch.  
  
“Um, Jubilee, please tell me you can still walk.”  Speaking of the various types of Mom voices, the other geeky brunette suspected of being Kitty sounded herself a concerned Mom.  
  
“No, Pryde, future you shoving future me into now me’s head last night didn’t rob me of the use of my legs.  It just gave me one hell of a hangover.”  
  
Oh, so Lassie actually could speak? Who knew?  
  
“Word, she puked all over the elevator.”  As far as expressions went, just then the look on Darcy’s face would have best been described as ‘Wait a tick?’, “Future who did what now?”  
  
-=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=-


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos, and the kind words!
> 
> \- Bright, you were the one to finally have me sit down to write some Darcy fic after reading some of yours. I've adored Kat's awesome performances in the Thor movies since coming late to the party to watch them on Netflix (though I just used my B Day cash to buy me them on Blu-Ray, le woot).
> 
> \- Shadows of Shemai - I hope this chapter finds you some more giggles.
> 
> \- Liebekatze - Haha, though the Lassie might find herself on the wrong end of some experiments, I think she's about to find some backup in Darcy ;)
> 
> Here's hoping you all enjoy!

-=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=-

 Marvel owns Thor, the Avengers, and the X-men, no profit is to be made from this work.  
  
-=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=-  
  
“Future who did what now?”  
  
    Wondering just what it was that Foster had gotten mixed up with this time, in Darcy’s experience there were way too many big brained people being too damn quiet all of a sudden than was good.  That meant one of two things, either they were trying to figure out how to dumb down some crazy weird concept, or...  
  
“Has Jubilee had her MRI yet?” Bruce asked with what sounded like very real and honest concern.  
  
    Or there was some sketchy pseudo sciencey stuff going on, probably involving more alien thingies that SHIELD had finders keepers’ed.  
  
“Okay, Lassie.  We’re getting you out of here before you go banana balls.”  
  
“Time travel!” Jane blurted out, “It’s time travel.  Sort of...”  
  
“Sort of time travel?  How do you sort of time travel?” Darcy, clearly dubious, asked.  
  
    Okay, this time it was definitely the nerds trying to figure out how to dumb down their answer to her question that had them quietly exchanging looks with one another.  
  
“Ugh, while we appreciate your concern, we don’t need to be coddled.  We’re mutants, Jubilee and myself.” Geeky looking brunette who wasn’t Jane explained.  
  
“Technically we’re all mutants...” Corrected Bruce in that delightfully helpful and quiet voice of his that Darcy found so reassuring.  
  
“Pryde means the Fox News kind, ya know, rawr!  I’m scary!  Fear and hate me, for ratings!”  
  
    Snort, giggle, it was hard for Darcy to find pocket sized Asian girl scary, sitting as she was still cross-legged on the hand cart trolley thingy making growly noises and monster hands over her head.  
  
“Darcy, I’ll explain everything, just as soon as we get Jubilee her MRI.”  
  
“Uh, should I be worried that you guys have mentioned me getting an MRI, like, twice within the last five minutes?  On a scale of one to London, how worried should I be right now?”  
  
Oh?  So apparently this wasn’t normal for Lassie.  Kneel down, pet, sooth, generally reassure, and hug, “Don’t worry, I won’t let anyone Old Yeller you.”  
  
“Lassie likes Darcy hugs, they’re soft and bosomy.”  
  
“Please don’t refer to yourself as Lassie, Lee.” Pryde person muttered.  
  
“Grumpy Kitty’s just jealous Lassie Lee has a nice ring to it.” Pocket sized Asian girl huffed, punctuated by her raspberry blowing ‘pbbt!’ tongue.  
  
“MRI, now!” growled Foster.  
  
“Okay, but somebody else can push this time.  I gotta keep Lassie Lee calm for her check up with the V.E.T.”  
  
“What’s that spell?” Impish was her smile, the girl who wasn’t supposed to refer to herself as Lassie.  
  
    Snuggling down with pocket sized Asian girl on the hand cart trolley thingy, Darcy pointedly ignored the looks thrown around by the big brainy people behind her, the ones she interpreted as meaning ‘Oh god, there’s two of them now’.  
  
-=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=-  
  
“Okay, fine.  If we reduce everything I’ve just told you to its simplest components, then yes, Future Kitty is using Future Jubilee as a conduit to our own Present Jubilee, so that Future Jubilee can pass along messages to Present Us that she’s been given by Future Us.”  
  
“So, she’s like a Ouija board?”  
  
“Please don’t call my friend as a Ouija board.” Lassie was right, Kitty was a Grumpy Cat.  
  
“Well she’s not wrong, is she?” Jubilee asked from her MRI, much to the annoyance of the SHIELD medical geek operating it.  
  
“Just asking, but if you guys can do this, how come you’re both not next week’s Powerball numbers rich?” Seriously? There was no way she was the first person to think of that.  
  
“We....did try that,” Oh?  So there was some hope for Grumpy Cat, that was good to know, “But they kept changing from the ones Jubilee brought back, something I think we have Quantum Weirdness to thank for, or perhaps a Wave Function Collapse.”  
  
“So then we just started betting on the ponies instead.” Good Lassie.  
  
“How did that work out?” Darcy asked, and only entirely out of concern for a friend, not for herself of course, no.    
  
    And her sudden interested in taking a trip down to Kentucky to see about a certain derby they held down there was complete coincidence, promise.  
  
    Though, possibly not so grumpy Kitty Cat shifty-eye looked from the floor to Jubilee and then back to the floor again, perhaps because she was struggling with some apparent moral conundrum, “Tuition paid off, um, and also a Manhattan condo, the one that got destroyed by an alien skidoo like so much of the rest of Manhattan.”  
  
“Oh, FYI, we also totally did try to warn about the imminent alien invasion.” Lassie Lee added, only to find herself on the receiving end of Jane Foster Approved Murder Eyes from the SHIELD medical tech.  
  
“Lemme guess, they didn’t believe you, right?”  Just like poor Erik, though probably without the streaking on live network television, as Darcy definitely would have remembered that herself.  
  
“We didn’t believe it ourselves at first.  Let’s just say there’s been a couple of times Jubilee has punk’ed me with a convincing performance.”  
  
“...I said I was sorry.”  
  
    Sipping her much needed coffee, Darcy let the conversation thus far sink in.  Time travel?  Real, but only sort of.  Mutants?  In her personal experience?  Helpful.  Bad, Fox News, bad.  Wait a tick?  What did Jubilee say again earlier?  On a scale of one to... “What happened during London?”  
  
“Yeah, Pryde!  What happened during London?  You guys still won’t tell me!  I just know I got about a week or so I can’t remember.”  
  
    Uh oh, concerned guilty looking Kitty Cat definitely needs herself a Darcy hug.  Glomp.  
  
“You woke me up with your scream at our apartment in town, and then I couldn’t wake you up, no matter how hard I tried.  Medically speaking you were fine.” Sniffle, snort, Kitty wiped at her teary eyes with a sad, twisted smile, “Then London happened, and a couple of days later you just woke up.”  
  
    Quietly, the SHIELD medical tech excused himself with a polite whisper that the MRI was now finished, his Foster Approved Murder Eyes nowhere to be seen as he left.  Bedecked in her paper medical gown, Jubilee strolled out and got in on the tail end of a Darcy hug, one that soon encompassed her due to all her shivering.  Hey!  Paper medical gowns are drafty!  
  
“Given everything we now understand about the convergence of the Nine Realms, you couldn’t have even known.  It must have just looked like another New York Incident to you, but you obviously tried to warn us about it,” whispered Jane, her own grief from that time betrayed by her tears.  
  
After that, it was Darcy hugs for everyone.  
  
-=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=-


	3. Chapter 3

-=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=-  
  
 Marvel owns Thor, the Avengers, and the X-men, no profit is to be made from this work.  
  
-=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=-  
  
“Hey, Jane?  When I asked you what I was doing here, I didn’t expect you to bury me in the kind of paperwork I had to fill out for my student loans.”  
  
    Initial highlighted sections here, sign and date there, Darcy found herself wondering why there couldn’t be that handy little box she’d always automatically scrolled down to click, the one that sat beside words like ‘ _I Agree_ ’ or ‘ _I Accept_ ’.  A blood oath had to be less painful than this...  
  
“Have you even looked at the letterhead of anything you’ve been signing?” Foster asked all grumpy voice as she checked over the handed back contracts, waivers, etc, etc, ad infinitum.  
  
“Stark Industries?  Don’t you usually contract for SHIELD, ergo so do I?”  Doodling a chibi Thor hugging a big mug of coffee way bigger than even him, a caffeinated Thor was a happy Thor, signed Darcy Lewis, initialed and dated.  
  
“It’s Tony’s project, SHIELD’s only here for security and logistics.  All the real science is being done by civilians.”  
  
    Head tilt, squinty eye stare at Foster, detect barely restrained excitement bubbling up much as magma did before a volcanic eruption, “First name basis, Foster?  He gave you your own lab, didn’t he?”  
  
“He gave me my own lab, with assistants!  Assistants trained in my field!  And all the latest equipment, none of which I’m worried is stolen!”  
  
“I bet Lassie heard that squeal wherever she is...” Darcy mumbled under her breath, doodling a chibi Hawkeye sniping arrows from behind one big blob of legally looking text that was straight up _TL:DR_.  
  
“What?” asked Jane.  
  
“I said, yes, Ebay really is a great place to find scientific equipment at the questionably low price of wondering which University the gummy gluey bits formerly advertised it as belonging to.”  
  
    Suddenly finding herself interested in just what it all was that she had been signing this whole time so very willy nilly, Darcy skimmed over the eldritch words.  Then she got distracted by numbers, a bunch of them actually, numbers that had a dollar sign in front of them, also there was a comma tucked in after the first couple, how interesting.  Hey, there was a decimal too!  Why, it almost looked like monies, uh oh...  
  
“What’s this?”  Usually anytime Darcy saw numbers like these, they brought along nasty little friends with them who answered to fines, penalties, or bail.                      
  
“That’s your starting salary...”  
  
“Holy shiznit!” Sign, date, sign, initial, sign, flip page to next, so on and so forth, and...done!  
  
     _Wait a tick?_    
  
“What did I just agree to?”  
  
“Nothing that this signing bonus won’t take the edge off of.”  
  
“Uh, a cheque with my name on it?  Pay to the order of...whoa my god!”  
  
    Yep, Lassie definitely must have heard the squealing that time, as did probably most everyone in the retrofitted mine turned sciency lab.  
  
-=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=-  
  
“We call it the Grommet,” Tony, a man with a long and prestigious history of naming things, revealed.  
  
    Having been led down into a part of the mine where there wasn’t to be seen a single SHIELD uniform, the guards standing watch looked more akin to secret service men and women, while most everyone else sported lab coats over their civvies.  
  
“Lemme guess, this is your lab?” Darcy asked in a whispered aside to Jane, receiving in reply a very eager and happy nod.  
  
    And in the very heart of the lab was the biggest, roundest, most sciencey gyroscope looking thingy Darcy had ever seen in her life, without a doubt that was the Grommet.  Technicians tinkered with it from every conceivable angle, from ladders, to scissor lifts, to even a few brave souls dressed in mountaineering gear and clean suits who dangled overtop of it from ropes.  
  
“Doctor Foster, would you like honours of explaining to Miss Lewis what it is we hope to achieve here?”  While some might call it delegating, Darcy had the distinct impression that Tony had just passed the buck.  
  
“Utilizing a stabilized microscopic wormhole we ultimately hope to allow Miss Pryde to project her own consciousness back through time.”  
  
    Having been a plant many a time in the audience of a lecture where Jane was speaking, Darcy knew without needing to check her phone for the scripted kind of questions that, yes, she was supposed to ask the dumb question to move things along.  Deep breath, and...      
  
“What’s wrong with just sending, uh, Jubilee right?  Yeah, her back like you obviously have been?”  
  
    Maybe if there hadn’t been a nice little Ben and Jerry’s for the soul after Lassie had gotten her MRI, then yes, Darcy wouldn’t have known what exactly they were sending Jubilee back in time for.  But there had been Ben and Jerry’s, lots of it, so she knew.  From earthquakes to tsunamis, terrorists, government mischief, and super powered villain types, the Avengers and SHIELD had the inside scoop on what was going to happen.  Lives saved?  Loads.  _Bad Fox News, Bad_.  
  
“Broken telephone.  There’s only so much Miss Lee can brief us on before the connection is cut.  Which I might add, as soon as that happens our own delightful Miss Lee finds herself back in the drivers seat and pretty disorientated.  Or worse, she’s nursing a tequila hangover without the liver damage.”  Huh, so Tony didn’t mind cutting in.  
  
“The further Katherine sends a consciousness back, the more stress it places on both their future and past selves.”  Oh, Bruce was on first name basis with Kitty Cat?  File that under interesting.  
  
“So, if Kitty Cat’s the one that comes back?”  
  
“Our math suggests that relative to her perspective it would appear as if she had honestly travelled backwards through time, retaining all her memories of the timeline yet to unravel.”  
  
    Head tilt, squinty eyes, cue high noon gunfight music, “You want to make her an Avenger, don’t you?”  
  
“We want to make her an Avenger,” Tony confessed, “With or without the Grommet.  But given what she could do with it, we would like to explore the possibilities.”  
  
“Otherwise you’re sending Lassie back with tomorrows news today?”  
  
“Exactly.”  
  
“So where do I fit in?”  
  
    Oh dear, too many big brained people were now looking at her like they’d been waiting for her to ask that question.  Good thing that cheque had a bunch of zeros...  
  
-=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=-  
  
    If her previous bout with paperwork had made a blood oath seem painless, getting double teamed by a SHIELD agent and someone from the HR department of Stark Industries was worse, like, contemplating turning Sparky on herself worse.  
  
“Did you have any questions, Miss Lewis?”  
  
“Nope, got it all.  Treat the Asset, Juju bees, as if she’s on serious cold medication, no operating of heavy machinery, automobiles, bicycles, playing in traffic, etc.  Play secretary whenever Future Lee calls, get my soccer mom on since she can’t drive, and generally hang with her 24/7 whenever she’s not here.”  
  
    HR dude definitely had himself a bit of a sense of humour, or so his smirk hinted.  On the other hand though, SHIELD agent lady did not look impressed at all by Darcy’s sitrep summary of the conversation. One mustered cough later, and the agent pulled out a briefcase.  
  
“Your cover story, credentials, credit cards...”  
  
“Credit cards?  Plural?” interrupted Darcy, and uh oh, good thing looks can’t kill, yeesh!  
  
“Any notes will be made by pen and paper, while any conversations needing to be recorded will be done so with this,” Flashing a micro-recorder circa cassette tape technology, the agent passed it over for inspection, “If any intelligence not yet turned over to us is under any threat of being captured, burn it.”  
  
“Oh my god! These tapes are like Hipster skinny jeans, they’re so tiny!”  Oops, Agent _Angry Eyes_ did not like that.  
  
“Ahem, perhaps this would be a good point to take Miss Lewis and the Asset to their residence, so Miss Lewis might have a chance to settle in, and the Asset can get some much needed rest?”  
  
    Okay, Stark Industries HR dude just earned himself some points for being subtlety snarky to the only person in the room currently carrying a firearm.  Darcy approves!  
  
“...I’ll arrange transportation.”  
  
    If ‘ _Good Riddance_ ’ had a face, it’d be Agent _Angry Eyes_.  
  
-=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=-=-+=-  
  
    One uneventful drive into town later, and...  
  
“Whoa, seriously nice place!”  
  
    Having experienced for herself the various comforts a teeny tiny airstream shared with Jane, to the view offered from a London flat, and not to mention many an unmentionably skeezy apartment before answering that innocuous little ad for an intern, a full blown Stark Industries Approved pad in town was a nice change of pace.  
  
    Having been told it was an apartment situated over some front for the Stark Power Company pet project that was now supplying all electrical needs to the town some forty minutes away from the mine, Darcy didn’t expect nice, nor cool.  Finding herself in a way swanky loft style apartment that made sweet, sweet loving to any idea of open concept, the exposed brick didn’t come with any worries of the wall collapsing.  
  
“You got your choice between what’s currently the guest room, Kitty’s room, or Jane’s room.  Those geeks barely spend enough time in them as is, so they shouldn’t bitch too much if you say you like the view and call dibs.”  
  
    Flopping down onto the sofa with all the fatigue of the walking dead, Jubilee curled up into a fetal little ball, one that had Darcy thinking someone needed herself a nap.  Peeking into the rooms, it was easy to guess just which one belonged to the girl sugar crashing on the couch.  Pilfer blanket and pillow, jaunt back to the couch, and proceed to tuck in her tuckered out new roommate/asset.  
  
“Yay, Dashie Blankie!” cooed Jubilee as she snuggled up in her pony branded blanket, “How did ya guess?”  
  
“Your cutie mark was showing.”  Snort and giggle at the memory of a certain rainbow maned cartoon pony peeking out past someone’s SHIELD issued borrowed jeans, and...oh, speaking of which, “This pad have on-site laundry?”  
  
    Sleepy yawn, stretch, and Jubilee pointed off to a likely closet that, yes, did contain a sweet front loading washer and dryer set, how convenient!  Holding her nose, Darcy piled in all the barfy smelling clothes for a good general purpose cold cycle wash. Hand sniff, gag, and it was time to check out the bathroom, which as it so turned out...  
  
“Holy shiznit!”  
  
    With Jubilee fast asleep on the couch, Darcy ran a bath, lit candles, and synced up her iPhone to the bluetooth speaker that had it’s own nifty little shelf directly above a teeny tiny minibar full of itty bitty bottles of nummy liqueurs clearly meant to be enjoyed with a nice, long soak in the tub.  
  
“Best.  Job.  Ever.”  
  
    Or so Darcy swooned as she sunk beneath the piping hot waters of a full cast iron soaker tub, her clothes neatly piled up on the vanity.  With the door open to listen for any whimpering from Lassie having a bad dream, it was full on time to enjoy the fringe benefits of whatever else had been hidden away in that paperwork she’d signed.  Her soul be damned....  
  
-=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=-    


	4. Chapter 4

Marvel owns Thor, the Avengers, and the X-men, no profit is to be made from this work.

-=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=–=+=-

Bathed, pampered, and wholly digging the Egyptian cotton bath towels (seriously, what couldn't that stuff make totally awesomesauce better?), Darcy curled up on the couch with her still snoozing Lassie asset type person, nay, her new roommate, Jubilee. A poke and a nudge got her only a grumpy whimper, proving that Jubilee was herself a pretty heavy sleeper. So, with that in mind, it was time to catch up on a little Netflix, just as soon as she found the remote for the gloriously huge tv.

But then her phone rang, _dammit_ , the ringtone of Thunderstruck hinting that it was Jane. Though hey, who knew, maybe it was a butt dial? Only one way to find out...

"Darcy Lewis speaking, if you got the assets, I'll fondle, uh, I mean I'll handle them." _Tee hee_.

Smiling, and entirely pleased with herself, the pause that followed had her wishing she'd FaceTime'd the call just so she could see the look on Jane's face. Oh well, hindsight and all that.

"Well, hi to you too, Jane! What do you mean we're going out? When? Oh, tonight? Dinner? Drinks? You're paying? You had me at you're paying."

Recalling the last time she'd gone out with Jane, well, more like crashed that totally awkward date her girl had been on, this was a new and exciting concept. Eating out on Jane's dime usually meant munching on take-out in the field.

"Where? Okay, just asking, but why does that sound to me like it's a townie bar? Oh, because it is? Um, actually, I think I'm gonna take a pass. What, say that again? Seriously?! Hot guys being there is what you should have led with! Well, _boo hoo_ to you, because I'm sure as hell not in a relationship. Who's Ian? Oh, you mean Intern Hot Lips! No, that was just sex."

Giggling at the noises a flustered Jane made, Darcy noticed a foot peeking out from beneath a certain someone's Dashie Blankie, a temptation she couldn't resist as she tickled it, the foot, not the Dashie Blankie. Jubilee squirmed and kicked, but otherwise remained asleep, which was probably for the best, considering she was most def a person owed a night's drinking, totally carte blanche too, and thus she would surely need herself some beauty sleep.

"Alright, alright, we'll see ya there." And, end call.

_Three, two, one..._

"Huh, I guess I should've asked Jane if I can expense me some clothes. Oops! Oh well, it's easier to ask forgiveness and all that jazz, am I right, or am I right?"

With a shrug, Darcy turned to notice Jubilee groggily peering up at her. Now, all the Lassie teasing aside, it did not go unnoticed by her that her pocket sized asset person appeared to have woken up right around the time she'd mentioned shopping. Colour her curious about that, but it sounded like it was high time for her to do a little science of all her own.

"What's that, Lassie? You want to go shopping too?"

Eager sleepy nod.

Hey, it was just as she had hypothesised, Lassie also liked shopping! Imagine that, like seriously, what were the odds?

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"...you two look like you got mauled by an 80s movie make-over montage." Wowsers, Kitty could be catty, _meow_!

"Hey, I think we did good considering our picks were a Marshals or the local Good Will." Word, someone's Grandma once had herself some dope threads, and here all it took to get the smell of old lady out of them was a delicate cycle in the wash. Score!

Oh, and she'd also treated her new roomie/asset to a straight up _Pirate Pillage_ worth of the costume jewellery the Good Will had to offer. Jubilee now jingled and jangled as she walked, her wrists bedecked in a hella lotta bangles, while also having scored herself some huge ass hoop earings which, in her own opinion, Darcy was sure were real gold.

And of course having some new duds and some bling called for them having to get their hair done, so like, why not get their nails done while they were at it? It wasn't as if she was paying for it, fuck nos! She had credit cards for that, in the plural. Eat it, Agent _Angry Eyes_!

"Jubilee, is that a dog collar?" Uh oh, leave it to Jane to notice that right off the bat.

Okay, they might have also stopped off at the town pet shop to cuddle some kitties and puppies, which had led to buying something too. Sadly, it wasn't a kitty or a puppy, _frowny face._

"Um, Ima say it's a choker if anyone asks." Jubilee hastily answered, even as Jane leaned in for a closer look.

"It has your name on the tag!" Well, _Hello to you too_ , Angry Mom voice!

Whew, good thing they'd settled on the cute little silver heart, and not the itty biity bone! Because, damn...

"Oh, that's just in case she gets lost. Yo, check the back, I got my number engraved in it."

Smiling, Darcy interpreted the look that Jane and Kitty shared as to mean, _I need a fucking drink_. Hey, lucky for them they were already at a bar!

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A/N: Trying to get the ball rolling on this fic again, so here's a just a short update :)


	5. Chapter 5

Marvel owns Thor, the Avengers, and the X-men, no profit is to be made from this work.

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Okay, so the joint was a whole lot less the townie bar than a place for the peeps and personnel of SHIELD (and Stark Industries alike) to go and unwind during their downtime. Which was probably for the best, kinda considering how many of them were armed and most seriously dangerous. Huh, sudden curious thought, but just what kind of a drunk was Agent _Angry Eyes_? But then she noticed herself some enjoyable eye candy...

"Oh hey, it's the dude who could so lift Myeuh-muh, and he's out of uniform. I approve." _Mmm, rolled upped sleeves with plenty of nummy muscular forearms on display..._

"Mew mew?"

Why, hello there, momentary distraction to her none too discrete ogling! Mind you, Jubilee did look herself an adorable kind of puzzled just then, what with her head tilted to the side that was very puppy like. Huh, find phone, open camera app, and...snap! Saved for posterity. Now, back to question at hand.

"No, no, not mew mew. Say it with me, Myeuh-muh."

"Uh, moo moo?"

_Tee hee_ , and now Darcy was wondering just how far she could take this when someone went and interrupted her fun...

"It's Mjolnir," corrected an exasperated Jane, _spoil sport_.

"Oh," chirped Jubilee, "What's that?"

"Thor's hammer," Darcy revealed.

"He named it? Huh, I guess that's kind of a guy thing to do," shrugged Jubilee, "Oh, and just to be clear, we're talking about his actual hammer right? Not his, _you know_...?"

The head tilt was back, though speaking truthfully it might have been a bit more of a suggestive nod if she was to be honest, including wide eyes that were none the least bit naive of the allusion currently being made.

"Hah, oh man, that would put a whole new spin on Jane getting hammered," chuckled Darcy, earning herself a glare of often imitated, but never duplicated Murder Eyes.

And yes, even Kitty Cat snickered at that, _oh snap_ , so yeah, there was still some hope for her.

"...can we just order some food?" grumbled one annoyed Jane Foster.

With no arguments against that idea, they strolled up to the bar to find, curiously enough, four stools opening up for them just then. Huh, imagine that? Of the men who had just vacated the stools, yes, some looks were exchanged, though nothing outright creepy (like say, was her experience with many a dude during her time at college) than being sort of flattering, with one even politely offering a _Ma'am_ in passing.

"Wow, subtle," Kitty noted, "They left their numbers behind on some napkins."

_Well, there was dessert figured out, yay!_

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Seated in between the two geeky brunettes, Darcy and her asset enjoyed (mostly to themselves) the three pounds of wings that had been ordered, oh, not to mention a rack of ribs that Jubilee had insisted on. Hey, shopping worked up an appetite!

Munch, nibble, nom. Daintily dabbing at a spot of sauce on her lips, Darcy had to interject to the story being told by Jane, the one about how they first met Thor, "Um, you jerked the wheel. So, that is all on you. Also, who even drives towards some crazy ass space tornado anyways?!"

"Well," huffed Jane with a pouty frown, "You tased him."

"It's not like he pressed charges." Shrug, back to wings!

Oh, hey! Their drinks had come! Round one, fight! Sipping her beer, some local craft brew, num, a nagging concern struck Darcy just then, "Hey, is it okay for her to be drinking? You know, in case she's got to take a call..." _...from the future_ , yeah, there was no way she was gonna say that last part out loud.

Jubilee, the her in question, looked down to her drink a tad bit puzzled just then, seemingly realizing the concern after a moment, "Oh! Nah, I'm good. I gotta be sober for it to work, so we don't gotta worry about any drunk dials. It'd just skip past sloshed me to find a sober me."

_Whew, crisis averted._ Time to toast to that, cheers!

"But there have been a few times when we've kind of called while she's been asleep," Kitty admitted, "...which can make for a grumpy certain someone in the morning."

Peeking down at her pocket sized asset person, Darcy was pretty sure she could handle a grumpy Jubilee. Heck, she'd already handled her hung over, which, admittedly had been a whole mess of nasty worse, so grumpy seemed doable.

"Oh, before I forget," Jane none too innocently added, or so the smirk she was trying to hide hinted, "You have training tomorrow."

Suddenly suspicious of the timing of this little announcement, Darcy washed down the latest of her noms with the entirety of her beer, therein ordering another as a pre-emptive attack on Jane's expense account, "What kind of training?"

Uh oh, even Jubilee and Kitty were being kind of mum on this. Danger, Darcy Lewis, Danger! Mumbling a reply over her drink, Jane seemed to a little reluctant to answer just then.

"You didn't just say wombat maiming, did you?" Because that would be all kinds of messed up.

"Wombat maiming? How did you even get that from combat training?"

"Oh, combat training, that sounds so much better. Whew, for a minute there you had me scared," _Hold on, back up_ , "What?! When the hell did I ever agree to that?! I thought I was supposed to be some kind of personal assistant for Juju bees here!"

Oh yes, Jane had expected this. With a flourish, a photocopy of some contractual looking document appeared on the bar, which unfortunately had her name on it, Darcy Lewis, initialled and dated. Hey, it even had her chibi Hawkeye on it! Can you say kawaii?

"...you do realize I'm now gonna be switching to top shelf everything from this point on?" Darcy grumbled.

"And I care about this because?"shrugged off Jane, "It's not like I'm paying for it, that's what my expense account is for."

And with those words, the party had officially started.

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End file.
